Although mine would be a love marriage, I am so nervous about this huge step in my life. I now know what 'wedding jitters' actually mean. Inspite of knowing him for almost 2 years now, I sometimes still sit and wonder whether I am making the right move. And not because I have any doubts about 'us' but about this whole new angle that a marriage brings into one's life. I sometimes even feel that 'marriage' is a bit overrated word (apologies to all those wonderful, happily married couples out there!) But what I mean to say is I have seen some of my closest people change after marriage and hope that is not what is in store of all of us on the brink of taking that huge step. Not trying to be cynical here but I totally agree with someone who quoted that Marriage is a huge gamble!
But I am really thankful to God that I got to be with Akshay for 2 years before embarking on this journey. I quiver thinking about how girls into arrange marriages really manage all these sudden changes in life! Even though my relationship with Akshay is on a great comfort level, I still know I have to adapt to a whole lot of changes after my wedding. Consider these:
- Changing my lastname and adopting his, it's like changing someone's identity! I have been a 'Khedekar' for 27 years of my life (Oops! Now you know my real age :P) and one fine day, all of a sudden it would be changed to 'Bhagwatwar'??!!
- Considering his family as mine, relating to his parents as mine
- Getting comfortable with his extended family like aunts, uncles and cousins... I can't believe how much I took all these individuals from my family for granted! So now, to all my aunts, uncles, cousins.. I really really love you guys and I am going to miss each and every family event we have in our Khandaan.
- Leaving my home and considering his home as mine! Leaving back all those memories of childhood, those walls which nurtured me, those maids who loved me and cooked for me, that house for which I designed every minute details from wall colors to chairs to bed to furniture to cooking range to flat screen TV and washing machine... my guitar, my library, my books, my collectibles..! How do I leave behind each of these which have made me what I am today ?
- The thought of not going to my home from Mumbai airport every December and going to his house (out of Mumbai)
- And the thought of leaving behind mom and dad and joining his family!
I may sound paranoid but I just find it amusing how marriage changes "so much" for the girl and "so little" for the guy! I know that all these points that I noted above will become a 'thing of the past' in months/years to come but they just seem pretty herculean for the moment. But I also know that as long as I have Akshay besides me during every step of this transition, things would be fine :) (I guess I have just been thinking too much or may be this is WEDDING JITTERS??!!)
So to all my friends getting married in the months to come, I would like to share a few thoughts shared by two individuals I recently met (both currently at different stages of marriage in their life - one got divorced this year after 20-30 years of marriage and other is happily married for 31 years):
- Any relationship needs to be worked upon. Marriage is that step in a relationship which may bring you closer or drift away from each other... because at one point of time husband and wife start taking each other for granted. So if you feel you are better off in a live-in, go for it! Else if very sure that marriage will not make you complacent in nurturing your relationship.
- Do you as a couple have things to be shared even if you both are silent? Do you hold each other's hands while doing something as mundane as driving? Do your hands find each other even if you are silent? If the answer is yes, you need to make sure that such moments continue even after the initial years of 'sex and love'. As your marriage evolves, it should change more into companionship!
Signing off.. an excited as well as nervous - Bride to be ! :)
5 comments:
Babes... This is so heartfelt. I can only imagine the 1000's of things going through your brain and the tons of different feelings you must have and i am so happy for you guys. Enjoy all these feelings and butterflies that you have. Don't let the 81 days pass by in a hurry. When you look back on it someday, i am sure you'll want to live through them again. Tell Akki to take lot of pictures and take all your books and guitar with you... its enough to have to leave your family behind.
Here's a tight hug from me.. Keep blogging dear ... you write so beautifully... :)
Thank you so much Pooni! Your words are always so encouraging :)
I want to cry so bad. Even though I am already a Bijle and and have a small family of my own, I so want to continue to be a Khedekar. Even though I stepped out of our house 7 years ago to study abroad, I so long to be back and just be in mom's arms and have the home cooked food and make my memories in that house that I have missed doing all these years. I so want to relive my childhood again without the trauma we as a family went through and I so want to just be with you all. Even though I am married and now I am a Mother, the word "family" still flashes mom's, dad's and your faces in front of my eyes besides Fahad's and Ayaan's. I am married and I am happy yet for a few things we both know, life still feels incomplete..So I would say, we will miss you being with us, but as lucky as you could be, you will have a wonderful husband in Akshay and wonderful family in the Bhagwatwars..go and little sis and start a new beginning but continue to be with us in memories! Love you and wish you the bestest future ahead! I just cannot believe my little Tunna has grown up so big..cannot write anymore with tears flowing down my cheeks...
You made me cry Di.. wish we could relive our childhood together once again with Mom and Dad :( I hate being a grown-up..
But thanks for your comment, felt really nice reading it!
yes my baby soon u will be married and gone.I have two sparrows,out of which one is already flown out and the other one is ready for take off. Its very hard for mother to see her home empty.but yes its going to happen one day or the other. I only know tanvi that life became very beautiful with you two girls.I just did not realized how time flew bringing up both girls. I always thanked God for giving me such wonderful daughters who cud achieve such high education.Tanvi as long as u are concerned,the memories are so many that i cannot count.You are still my little angel who i dont want to part with.Probably you wont know every movie i watch,every restaurant i go,i miss u so badly. Who do i ask if i have to buy anything or do anything????.I remember every moment we spent together.whether going thru hard times or enjoying happy times. I feel, i felt always younge bcos u were around all the time.In this house everything has your touch. I am full of life when u are around.I can empty the heart with you.I am sure u will agree that we shared very good relationship,and spent quality time with each other,rather we used to search for every chance to be together.But my dear girl,now you are getting married,so take all the efforts to make this relationship beautiful and happy.The word family becomes big for you as it includes your husband,in laws and all his relatives.Go ahead and embress this new era in you life.Welcome this change with open arms,happily without any doubts and with smiling face.Spread love and happiness in Bhagwatwar family. Our blessings are always with you dear!!!!!!!! Always Love you and will miss u in the house bcos home is only house without you as it doesn't talk,laugh and dance if u r not around !!!!!!!!
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