Well, i have been contemplating since long whether i should be blogging over this topic or not... and yes, i have finally decided that i will.. i dedicate this post to my cuz Gaurav :) Love u sweetheart... hope u enjoy reading and that it down the years, you too share the viewpoint as i do !
First love! The thought itself sends shivers down my spine. First love is synonymous in most of our lives as something which symbolised immaculate, innocent, immature feelings towards someone! I still remember having a crush on this hunky guy from my 12th class... :-) and me and my best friend yapping away to glory about out crushes. We used decide whether to attend a lecture or not depending on the presence of these guys. I remember the moment when he used to walk into the class in the mornings... and me blushing... ; I remember knowing about him having a cell phone (those days college students didn't have one.. And if they did.. they were considered to be rich dad's spoilt brats!) and a brand new RED car! And what a better reason to break the ice than to ask him about his guitar classes and how could I enroll into one. So that's how we started talking but this was practically at the end of the Ruparel days. But well, great times followed... and Yeah.. I was in love ! It is so uncanny that I still vividly remember each and every moment I spent with him... every date we went, every card I gave, every love letter that i wrote, every walk on the beach with him, every gift that gave,... ! But as all good things come to an end.. so did this one... and it was painful... very! But what i took away from my first relationship is that "love" is not the only thing that can make a relationship work.
Well.. years after this.., there were a few proposals but I didn't wanna step outta my religion to embrace that love.. so things never really bloomed. I still dunno how can so-called "love" be so blind that you can change your existence just to be with a man! Having said that.. I have great respect for those who inter-religion relationships but that's surely not my cup of tea... why it isn't?? hmm.. we'll leave that for some other time.
But yeah.. over these 5 years my understanding of love has undergone complete metamorphosis. I still do believe in love but it is more of companionship... sharing life with someone who will be there with you and understand you .. no matter what. I don't think I'll be able to do all the mushy things that i did before... because i kinda feel a void within myself. (Hopefully someone fills that up soon!) Basically.. I think.. i have given a lot in love... but never really got that reciprocated... so now, it's time to feel that unconditional love from someone. I don't understand men who say they love you but then can't live upto their words. Love is a commitment for a lifetime... and there should surely not be any "confusion", "don't know", "parents won't agree", etc. kinda of issues between the two people involved.
All I wanna tell you Gauri.. is that .. love is far deeper than what you are feeling now.. as you go ahead in life... your understanding of love with change with every passing phase... sometimes it will be good, sometimes horrendous.. but whatever it is... never play with anyone's emotions. Be true to yourself and her! :-)
