Although mine would be a love marriage, I am so nervous about this huge step in my life. I now know what 'wedding jitters' actually mean. Inspite of knowing him for almost 2 years now, I sometimes still sit and wonder whether I am making the right move. And not because I have any doubts about 'us' but about this whole new angle that a marriage brings into one's life. I sometimes even feel that 'marriage' is a bit overrated word (apologies to all those wonderful, happily married couples out there!) But what I mean to say is I have seen some of my closest people change after marriage and hope that is not what is in store of all of us on the brink of taking that huge step. Not trying to be cynical here but I totally agree with someone who quoted that Marriage is a huge gamble!
But I am really thankful to God that I got to be with Akshay for 2 years before embarking on this journey. I quiver thinking about how girls into arrange marriages really manage all these sudden changes in life! Even though my relationship with Akshay is on a great comfort level, I still know I have to adapt to a whole lot of changes after my wedding. Consider these:
- Changing my lastname and adopting his, it's like changing someone's identity! I have been a 'Khedekar' for 27 years of my life (Oops! Now you know my real age :P) and one fine day, all of a sudden it would be changed to 'Bhagwatwar'??!!
- Considering his family as mine, relating to his parents as mine
- Getting comfortable with his extended family like aunts, uncles and cousins... I can't believe how much I took all these individuals from my family for granted! So now, to all my aunts, uncles, cousins.. I really really love you guys and I am going to miss each and every family event we have in our Khandaan.
- Leaving my home and considering his home as mine! Leaving back all those memories of childhood, those walls which nurtured me, those maids who loved me and cooked for me, that house for which I designed every minute details from wall colors to chairs to bed to furniture to cooking range to flat screen TV and washing machine... my guitar, my library, my books, my collectibles..! How do I leave behind each of these which have made me what I am today ?
- The thought of not going to my home from Mumbai airport every December and going to his house (out of Mumbai)
- And the thought of leaving behind mom and dad and joining his family!
I may sound paranoid but I just find it amusing how marriage changes "so much" for the girl and "so little" for the guy! I know that all these points that I noted above will become a 'thing of the past' in months/years to come but they just seem pretty herculean for the moment. But I also know that as long as I have Akshay besides me during every step of this transition, things would be fine :) (I guess I have just been thinking too much or may be this is WEDDING JITTERS??!!)
So to all my friends getting married in the months to come, I would like to share a few thoughts shared by two individuals I recently met (both currently at different stages of marriage in their life - one got divorced this year after 20-30 years of marriage and other is happily married for 31 years):
- Any relationship needs to be worked upon. Marriage is that step in a relationship which may bring you closer or drift away from each other... because at one point of time husband and wife start taking each other for granted. So if you feel you are better off in a live-in, go for it! Else if very sure that marriage will not make you complacent in nurturing your relationship.
- Do you as a couple have things to be shared even if you both are silent? Do you hold each other's hands while doing something as mundane as driving? Do your hands find each other even if you are silent? If the answer is yes, you need to make sure that such moments continue even after the initial years of 'sex and love'. As your marriage evolves, it should change more into companionship!
Signing off.. an excited as well as nervous - Bride to be ! :)
