Jingle Bells? Nah! This year Christmas would resonate with Wedding Bells for me...

Just two months away from the 'Big Day' (or more specifically 81 days), I cannot help but wonder about a plethora of things marriage brings in a girl's life. As a teenager, I used to dream about meeting my 'prince charming' and how I would look as a bride, what I would wear, etc.. But now that I am so close to those moments, the thoughts running through my mind are SO DIFFERENT. And to sum up those 'plethora of things', I would use the word - CHANGE! 


Although mine would be a love marriage, I am so nervous about this huge step in my life. I now know what 'wedding jitters' actually mean. Inspite of knowing him for almost 2 years now, I sometimes still sit and wonder whether I am making the right move. And not because I have any doubts about 'us' but about this whole new angle that a marriage brings into one's life. I sometimes even feel that 'marriage' is a bit overrated word (apologies to all those wonderful, happily married couples out there!) But what I mean to say is I have seen some of my closest people change after marriage and hope that is not what is in store of all of us on the brink of taking that huge step. Not trying to be cynical here but I totally agree with someone who quoted that Marriage is a huge gamble! 

But I am really thankful to God that I got to be with Akshay for 2 years before embarking on this journey. I quiver thinking about how girls into arrange marriages really manage all these sudden changes in life! Even though my relationship with Akshay is on a great comfort level, I still know I have to adapt to a whole lot of changes after my wedding. Consider these:
- Changing my lastname and adopting his, it's like changing someone's identity! I have been a 'Khedekar' for 27 years of my life (Oops! Now you know my real age :P) and one fine day, all of a sudden it would be changed to 'Bhagwatwar'??!!
- Considering his family as mine, relating to his parents as mine
- Getting comfortable with his extended family like aunts, uncles and cousins... I can't believe how much I took all these individuals from my family for granted! So now, to all my aunts, uncles, cousins.. I really really love you guys and I am going to miss each and every family event we have in our Khandaan.
- Leaving my home and considering his home as mine! Leaving back all those memories of childhood, those walls which nurtured me, those maids who loved me and cooked for me, that house for which I designed every minute details from wall colors to chairs to bed to furniture to cooking range to flat screen TV and washing machine... my guitar, my library, my books, my collectibles..! How do I leave behind each of these which have made me what I am today ?
- The thought of not going to my home from Mumbai airport every December and going to his house (out of Mumbai)
- And the thought of leaving behind mom and dad and joining his family!

I may sound paranoid but I just find it amusing how marriage changes "so much" for the girl and "so little" for the guy! I know that all these points that I noted above will become a 'thing of the past' in months/years to come but they just seem pretty herculean for the moment. But I also know that as long as I have Akshay besides me during every step of this transition, things would be fine :) (I guess I have just been thinking too much or may be this is WEDDING JITTERS??!!)

So to all my friends getting married in the months to come, I would like to share a few thoughts shared by two individuals I recently met (both currently at different stages of marriage in their life - one got divorced this year after 20-30 years of marriage and other is happily married for 31 years):
- Any relationship needs to be worked upon. Marriage is that step in a relationship which may bring you closer or drift away from each other... because at one point of time husband and wife start taking each other for granted. So if you feel you are better off in a live-in, go for it! Else if very sure that marriage will not make you complacent in nurturing your relationship. 
- Do you as a couple have things to be shared even if you both are silent? Do you hold each other's hands while doing something as mundane as driving? Do your hands find each other even if you are silent? If the answer is yes, you need to make sure that such moments continue even after the initial years of 'sex and love'. As your marriage evolves, it should change more into companionship! 

Signing off.. an excited as well as nervous - Bride to be ! :)

The Spirit of Mumbai???

  July 13, 2011 was another day when I felt horrible    about being thousands of miles away from my family and Mumbai. The serial blasts brought back to my mind the gory reality that we all are just mortals. I am stupefied with the fact that "some mortals" kill innocent lives under the name of God and religion. Mumbai - the city of dreams, my life and my love is no more a safe haven like what it used to be. Every 2-3 years my city is targeted and the sheer hopelessness which causes a common man to move on is further lambasted under the adage "the spirit of Mumbai". NO! This isn't the spirit of Mumbai.. it is the "survival of the fittest" belief that pushes a Mumbaiite to go to work immediately the next day after such terrorizing happenings and earn a living for his/her family.

Coming to the Indian government and politics, I think I should rephrase second statement in this blog as "we all are not just mortals but puppets" for ridiculous and lame politicians (and of course the terrorists). I was appalled by the remarks of a young politician who supposedly is the next in candidacy to the PM's seat! So he claims that the government wards off 99% of the terrorism and it the 1% that we have to deal with. Really??? 2005 blasts, 2006 blasts, 2008 attacks, 2011 blasts are all just 1 % for you Mr. Rahul Gandhi?
Home Minister, P. Chidambaram says that there was no Intelligence failure! Wow...some criminal minds plant bombs in some of the most crowded streets of Mumbai and the Home Minister doesn't feel that intelligence and security is horrendously amiss??On the other hand, Digvijay Singh’s statement shows that his indifference and non-concern in statements like "India’s situation is much better than Pakistan where blasts keep happening every week". Are they waiting for a situation where a blast takes place every week?
To add more salt to the wounds of the common man and the victims, some eminent personalities from the film industry party hard over a movie-release just 3 days after the blast. On one end, Shahrukh Khan (on Twitter) condemns the blasts and shows the urge to come back to Mumbai from his holidays and on the other end he throws a grand party and is joined by other hopelessly shameless film personalities!!All these rich people are such hypocrites!I am hurt, saddened, troubled, disgusted, appalled, scared, frustrated and what not! A myriad of emotions to deal with and I know that there is no respite. I am not being cynical but my helplessness and disbelief in the current government of India makes me
say this!

Inspiration for Aspirations

I came across a lot of eye-opening stuff today and that triggered me to get back to my blog. So for starters, I was reading news on an Indian news website and I read some article about Lisa Ray. So i dug up a few more articles and realized that she is an avid blogger. Her blog named "Yellow Diaries" is basically elucidates her journey, her mind-boggling journey through the dark depths of Myeloma (Bone Marrow Cancer). I was spellbound at the courage and optimism she portrayed during all those trying moments.

I also read about Oscar Pistorius and his story is equally inspiring. The sobriquet "the fastest man with no legs" describes Oscar's unflagging spirit to conquer the Olympic championship in running.

All such stories make me melancholic for a moment but they also leave me with the zest to live life to the fullest. I must admit that the year 2011 has been one such year of conquering my fears and living my life to the fullest. To end this post, I would encourage you to find happiness in every walk of life and have the courage to face the darkness. A childhood poem which taught me how to find happiness in the smallest of things in life comes to mind right now, sharing it here:

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed--and gazed--but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

- Daffodils by Williams Wordsworth

I surrender myself to You!

My second tryst with poetry..for "You" :)

I look into your eyes

I see my world

This morning I see the sunrise

My happiness has now unfurled.

I know You are the one

You care for me but none

You give me the strength

You give me my inner peace.

I cannot live without You now

Till eternity may allow

I want be in Your arms

Far away from all harms.

I close my eyes I think of You

I pray our sorrows are bare and few

Wishing for a new life with You

I surrender myself to You.

The Proposal - Part II

(A few months later...on a lakeside...6.30 pm)

She(almost in tears after hearing him speak): Why are you doing this to me? We've been together through thick and thin, and I am sure this is just a phase too.. it will pass. Trust me .. please... we can make this work...
He(cuts her abruptly): NO.. I can't take this relationship any further.. every time I want to keep you happy but things just get ruined. I can't give you the happiness you deserve... this is just not meant to be... You'll be happier without me. Just move on.. (Shrugs her away and walks out...7.30 pm)

She is sitting by the lakeside alone. It's 9.30 pm and the stars are twinkling as brightly as ever. Tears can't stop rolling down her eyes as she sits by the shore watching the moonlight sprinkle on the waves that softly touch her feet. She remembers how he used to play with her toes and enjoy watching her shapely legs whenever she wore short skirts. She reminisces their long walks along the same lake, those hugs, those kisses... Why did it end? What did she do so wrong? Why did they even get so close if things were not meant to last? Will she ever be able to forget him? .. the smell of his shirt, the touch of his hands, the magic in his smile...

Days roll over, she finds it difficult to not think about him and what went wrong but makes a firm decision that she is done with love in her life, closes the doors of her heart forever and moves on. Thankfully work has kept her really busy and she will be flying to United States for an onsite job opportunity in a few days. Not really delighted at this offer but a tad eager to see a new place, a new world leaving her past behind.


(to be continued...)

A "lone" walk...

A lone walk... cold weather.. sudden rains.. getting drenched.. feeling every drop of rain on your face and the smell of wet soil.. What a weather Bloomy! You so remind me of my Mumbai tonight!

Take me away - By Imani
With the clouds rolling in
My soul starts to spin
The crazy feelin' that i love
Takes me away
Beyond and above
The drumming beat
Fills my head
I jump out of my bed
The one made of tears
And run to the window
I silently watch
My own private show
When it becomes to hard
To hold myself back
I break the window to shards
Jump into the rain
Yelling take me away

The Proposal - Part I

So I was reminiscing about my Mills n Boons days.. and how I thoroughly enjoyed reading that overtly mushy stuff.. I still crave for those wonderful "reading" spree days back! And then I got an idea for my next blog post.. (I must confess that I picked this idea from my cousin's blog.. you must read this beautiful story he penned down @ http://sansdeep.blogspot.com/)
I always wanted to write a book and get it published.. and I am sure I'll do that one day but till then I am going to start this series of posts to pen down a figment of my imagination.

So here I am with a fictional story about a girl and a boy who have recently met through a common friend and their friendship has grown leaps and bounds in just a few months. Both of them are born and brought up in Mumbai but have moved to Bangalore just a month ago for work. They live close-by in the same locality in Bangalore and meet up every night for late night walks. Both are adjusting with their new jobs and trying to cope with the new life away from family and friends. They are like each other's "alter ego" and bond over stuff like missing close friends, broken relationships in the past, similar family backgrounds, struggles for making it through in the competitive world and missing family and Mumbai! He is a shy but funny guy and regularly compliments her for her dressing sense and loves her cooking. She just loves those late night walks, talking her heart out to him over anything and everything.

Then...
He(one late night over a cup of coffee at a Cafe shop): Will you be my girlfriend?
She(smiles in disbelief): Are you fine? Do you even know what you are saying?
He: Yeah.. I just asked you out...
She: But we don't even know each other well..?
He: You are the only one I could connect to so well.. I know its early but I thought why not??
She: Listen.. I know we are like best friends in just a matter of two months but I think we should get to know each other better..
He (smiles): I am glad you said this.. I was expecting this from you... I would have been surprised if you had said yes.. (smiles)
She (smiles): ...

Now...
(They both have been very busy at work. More so, he has been working late nights for an upcoming deadline at work and has not met her for almost a week. One evening on a Sunday he comes to her apartment. They are sitting and chatting over a cup of coffee...)
He: I feel bad that we haven't got time for each other.. actually I am just lost.. I am not what I am forced to be here.. I don't like all this neatness n stuff.. I like being messed up.. that's just the way i am...
She: I love you
He(no reaction): .. I just want to get back to my original self...
She: I just said I love you
He: I so badly want to reciprocate back but..
She: .. but..?
He: you are the most amazing person i have met.. seriously...
(His cell rings.. some good news.. the moment he keeps the phone.. she gets up from her chair .. hugs him tightly.. the most amazing hug ..)
She: So proud of you... !
He(smiles shyly): Thanks.. my lucky charm !

... (to be continued)

I came.. I saw.. But I am still "learning"

It has been almost two months since I moved into this small, laidback town called Bloomington in the "supposedly" dreamland of most people - United States. And the urge to write about the experience thus far hopefully translates into a good post.

So 6th August,2010 is earmarked in my memories as the day I came to Bloomington.. my journey began.. away from my homeland, my family, my relatives, my friends, my surroundings and most importantly .. my "comfort zone". I still remember my steps into the atrium of Kelley School of Business... i was overwhelmed.. - finally my dream of studying in a B-school is shaping up! That first week was crazy.. walking down the B-town for miles and hours to reach destinations because of low frequency of buses, getting lost on the way, the scorching sun, the irritation/feeling of NO respite from the Mumbai heat, tanning in that burning sun, et al. But all this was interspersed with some great fun too -
1) The swimming session with Shammo, Poonu and Priya
2) First time I went to Nicks!
3) First time at Downtown n my favourite eating outlet - Chipotle!
4) Harry bear at Bear's Place and the chicken wings :)
5) Those "regular" late night walks...
6) Jogging with Poonu
7) The "haunted" Griffy Lake clean up event - walking in the woods, collecting seeds and then laying them along the banks of the lake, plucking out unwanted rose shrubs, those horrible bruises/cuts on my legs followed by the inability to wear skirts!
8) The Cookout event - enjoying on the swings like a small kid :)
9) The night we watched "Gunda" movie.. yes, i actually watched that DUMB stuff.. and thoroughly enjoyed it :D
10) Cooking prawns for Poonu and the sense of achievement after she loving and craving for it!
11) The "stuffed portabella mushrooms" and "chicken tandoori" potluck.
12) Poonu's butter chicken cooking days... :)
13) Jamming and singing sessions
14) Ganpati celebration n potluck
15) Walking down the street and spotting cute squirrels and rabbits run helter-skelter as you approach them
16) My tryst with cycling; Poonu's and Priya's efforts to teach me; the euphoria on finally being able to cycle and screaming like a kid in the basketball court of CP (Crescent Park) ... hahaha..
17) The hula-hooping in the middle of a mall and the insanity of actually buying a hoop !!!

... Outstanding moments.. carved a niche in my mind!

But as I write this today.. I regret to say that those fun moments have reduced drastically. Some due to work constraints.. and some due to changes in people/circumstances... I was always aware that "people" behave differently when in US.. but still find it uncanny and unnerving when I experience this each day in this so-called "dreamland". I'll put a few lines in marathi to convey my thoughts aptly - Naati kashi bantat, kashi baddaltat, kashi tuttat.. he sagla baghayla milala hya 2 mahinyat.. kadhi kadhi agadi radu yete aani kadhi achanak hasu suddha yeta hya sagla natyanvar... "bandhan" hya shabdala kahi arthach nahiye hya deshat.. I think the most tiring part of all this is managing the moods and whims and fancies of people around (having said that, I am sure others might be feeling the same about me!).. But all these situations, experiences have made me realize how much I took my family and friends for granted.

On a concluding note , I would like to say that - This is life.. have to live with it!
As always, found this apt poem that echoes my thoughts at this moment:

Missing Piece © Danyal Conner

You do what you're suppose to do,
with no frown or fuss.
Not because you want to ,
but because you must.
Day after day
It's like a routine.
Don’t have too much to say,
You only do the right thing.
Soon you feel empty,
but you don't know what it could be.
You want no sympathy.
But it's something you can't see
Everything used to make sense,
but now you're lost in a maze.
You feel so tense,
and you pray for better days.
Something just doesn't seem right
You look for an answer that's not there.
You stay awake all night,
But you feel like no one cares.
It's right in your face
and you think it's safe,
or should you forget?
Things don't seem the same,
But what should you do?
You think you should change,
But change for who?
Understanding means nothing to you now.
Your heart is pronounced deceased
This should you allow ,
or find your missing piece?

... yeah.. I am learning to find the "missing piece"!

The Climb

This is exactly how I feel right now... I wish You were here & I could hug You tightly...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Leaving on a jet plane - John Denver

My roomies and I just jammed... this song sounds awesome on the guitar...
Fond memories of this song with Priya and Poonam -- 10th August,2010 1.00 pm !

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin' it's early morn
The taxi's waitin' he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I'll think of you
Every song I sing, I'll sing for you
When I come back, I'll bring your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Guitar Solo

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times, I won't have to say

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh baby, I hate to go

Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

You !

I didn't expect this would happen
I didn't know I would meet You
But today I do feel free from all my blues
Cause I have found a new hope, a new life, a new beginning in You.

I can see a bud blooming
And I hope You can see it too
I wonder when will the moment to nurture it come
Make it grow far and strong and protect it from some
To weave silken bonds that hold true life long.

I sit here on the porch thinking how it would be to grow old with You
Will You make me laugh even then as you do now
Will You hold my hand when I cow down
Will You like the fragrance of my hair even when I am old and brown
Will You love me even when I frown?

I look at the moon tonight
And make a secret wish
One that will take me far beyond
Into the land of dreams and snow
Where We paint our life with my crayons...

Now i know why Di n Nee wished me - "Enjoy your experience" this morning!

Finally it's sinking in.. ! :-)

Yeah after a horribly sleepless night.. i "woke" up at 6.30 to get ready for the V-day today ! :P


my interview slot was 9.30 am... i reached the mumbai consulate by 8.15 am.

and was standing till 9.20 in the queue under scorching heat... :-(
(wat made me mad was a page 3 socialite - Divya Palat had also come for her interview but was allowed to stand for 1 hour in the shade at the entrance of the office.... grrrrrrrrrr x-( )

anyway... after doing all those formalities of security check n finger printing... i was awiting my number to be called out by ard 9.55 am

I was YAWNINGGG away to glory .. hehhee.. had to wait till 10.45 am for my number to be called out !

Duration : < 30 secs again \m/

Visa Officer was a beautiful young lady :)

Me: Good morning officer
She: (smiles) How you doing?

Me: I am good.. how r you? ...
She: I am doing fine too ! So you going to US to study?
ME: Yes
She: Which university n which course?
Me: Told
She: oh... is it Indiana State University or University of Indiana?
Me: (blahhh.. wats wrong with her... i have never heard of these names before..trap is it? ) (answered emphatically) INDIANA UNIVERSITY
She: Oh Ok... and the course is?
Me: (repeated again) Information Systems
She: Ok.. so did u apply to other schools?
Me: Yes...
She: Which are those?
Me: (after naming 3... she wasnt paying attention to me... busy typing something.. so i kept quiet n said i applied to total 8 !)
She: ok.. your visa is approved... u'll get it by courier...Goodbye :-)
Me: (Yippie in mind.. but cldnt smile.. still something imp left) Officer, i have my tourist visa on my old passport.. do you need to cancel that?
She: Oh no... wen you are entering US.. just mention correct visa type.. n then you can talk to the immigration officer for further doubts...
Me: ok.. thank you !

(stepping out... i opened the door... but someone (guessing a baby) had pee-ed :-\ at the entrance of that counter !! wondered how come i didnt notice it while entering... watever.. heheh.. opned the other door n ran out !!! )



Cheers,
tanV :-)

Procastination.... Ouchhh !

Lemme start this post with a group that i recently found on Facebook--> *Did U do IT* *Sorry mom, 4got* *Do U ever 4get to EAT/SLEEP/WATCH TV !?! *

Am sure.. most of us have been in the above situation.. And today.. it was no different for me :)

After sitting up late till 3 am last nite... i was woken up by the blaring and incessant intercom rings.. (I hate my driver for calling up every morning on the intercom :( )

So here i was, stumbling outta the bed.. just to acknowledge my driver's presence! That done.. i realised.. it was 10.30 am and i am running short of time to complete the assignments for the week. So while I switch on my PC (that's the first thing i do instead of attending nature's call or brushing my teeth :P ), I check my cellphone... shit.. 3 missed calls from dad.

Talk to him.. and realise that i forgot to mail him the university mail stating the amount for registration of pre-req courses; basically he needed to present this proof to his bank to issue the DD. So i immediately mail him the required stuff.. and get hooked onto facebooking and mail checking.

11.30 am - Amidst all this, it dawns upon me that i havent had breakfast yet. Got myself an omlette made, then sat and read newspaper... which was strewn with news of Kasab's death sentence.

12.30 pm- I get working on my assignments.

1.15 pm- Get a call from dad, "Tanu, there are some new rules of the bank that unless the CA fills up a form on RBI website and approves the transaction... bank cannot initiate the process to issue a DD! Mom has told u to speak to our CA.. and ask whether he can help."

1.35 pm- Talking to CA, told him the issue, to which he responds, "murkha aahet bank wale.. this is not needed for any amount lower than USD 3000$ ! Tell dad to speak to me.. i'll tell him what to tell to the banker."

I do as told... but in the mean time, checked with a friend whether she faced the similar issue- answer YES.. but no need of CA... probably u can fill it yourself on the RBI website!

(By the way-- did i tell u guys that i have to courier my DD TOMORROW to US??? ... yeah-- that's where and why the drama starts! )

1.45 pm - Mom calls, shouts for keeping things till last minute! Then tells me to come to pick her up from office so that we could try our luck at ICICI bank. I scream " i have an assignment deadline, how can i come, as in what difference will I make by coming? , i haven't even had a bath, no lunch too.. " .... REPLY "do u want ur DD or not for tomorrow??"... keeps the phone! :(

2.00 pm - Out of my house.. in the car, going to pick up mom.

2.30 pm - With mom in gaddi... "Everytime you do this... u knew since last month that u have to send the DD on 9th May... but you woke up today???? What will you do when you goto US.. who will run around with u there??? What if ICICI also rejects... good then.. sit n hatch eggs... everytime you do some stupid thing and make me pay through me nose to get stuff done urgently... So nicely you could have got the DD from your dad (my dad is a banker)... and now we r going to a private bank and paying them for that service... blah.. blah.... you know i get up at 5 am, such a bad day i had at work.. i was just waiting to come home and get an hour's nap.. n here u hav ruined it all...."

My ears went deaf :( :( :(

3.00 pm - at ICICI... filling forms... make a spelling mistake (outta nervousness surely... spelled kelley as keley)... doomed... ! Again angry looks from mom- shit !! The banker gives me a fresh new form .. have to redo everything again :(

3.45 pm - leaving bank with assurance from banker that i'll get my DD tomorrow morning.

4.00 pm - Mom - " what luck we have an account in this bank.. ! now call up your dad and tell not to do anything.. " Told dad the history-geography!

4.05 pm - Almost near Birdy's -- telling mom that i wanna have pastry... reaction - "Good.. EAT N BECOME FAT!!" hehehhehee... as ignorant as i cld get ... hopped out of the car.. fetched a mixed fruit special cake and 3 Chicken croissants from Birdy's . :)

4.15 pm - At home.. relieved.. ! but promise mom that this wont happen again!

(someone has rightly said- God couldn't be everywhere, so He created mothers! :) dunno what i wld do if mom didn't be my sole saviour everytime i land myself in a soup)

Moral of the story: procastination.. ouchhh ! ;-)

PS: will update this post if i do get my DD on time tomorrow ;)

"There You'll Be"

When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
There you'll be

(love this song... )

Faith & Imagination

“If you believe you can, you probably can. If you believe you won't, you most assuredly won't. Belief is the ignition switch that gets you off the launching pad.”
-Denis Waitley

Yes, it is true that man can move mountains with his faith! Many a times our dreams, our desires, our aspirations remain unfulfilled because of the lack of faith within us. Apart from following the roadmap to our goals, we also need to believe in what we are and what we are doing. Do you think man would have ever been able to sail across the Atlantic or fly in the air in the so-called airplanes or conquer the moon without faith? Or take for example the on-going research to find any trace of life on the earth-like planet Mars. All this would not have been possible if any of these achievers or to-be achievers would not have had faith in themselves. With faith and imagination in hand, man has always moved to conquer the untrodden territories.

So how are faith and imagination related? William Blake’s famous quote goes as “To see the world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wildflower... hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour... is the power of imagination”. It is your imagination that can lead you to miracles and it is your faith that can help you achieve those. Only when imagination is intertwined with faith and unceasing belief will you be able to make your dreams come true.

To give you a better picture of the relationship between imagination and faith, consider this story. Most of us are aware of the famous Isaac Newton, the man who discovered that there exists something called as earth’s gravitational force. The story goes that Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple from the tree fell on his head. This made him wonder why the apple had to fall downwards only. And this trivial thought lead to the imagination and thereafter the discovering of gravity. It was just imagination and faith that guided him to prove the authenticity of his belief that “whatever goes up, must come down”. Isn’t this analogous to failures which make us feel that success is far from our reach, but if we have faith and the perseverance to achieve it, success will definitely come back to us.

It is said ‘do your best and leave the rest to God’. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
The Bible, Matthew 17:20, says:I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there" and it will move.
It depends on us and only us to firmly hold the vision and the faith at every stage of life however challenging the process is.

[PS: this is one of the articles that i wrote during freelancing... This is for Rohan.. well, u actually wanted me to write abt fear and faith... but my first post on this blog is about fear... and this one is about faith... hope u get ur answers :) ]

hush... i need a breather... a breezer would wrk too :-P

Life's uncanny! In times when zillions are losing jobs... and having a real tough time, people like me are cribbing about their job ! I don remember the last weekend when i was at home ! I finally met maa tonight (thankfully) after a week ... either she goes to wrk wen i get back home by 11/12 pm or i am at wrk wen she's at home... !!! i dont remember the last movie i saw... i dont remember the last time i slept till 11 am ! I don't know whether i should thank God for keeping my job safe... or whether i shd ask Him to spare me atleast now... :)

So many things have taken place in these 2 months.. notime to ponder over what's over or what's new. Actually i feel like a robot now... sleep-work-eat-sleep-work-eat-sleep.......

I need time for myself.. i wanna slow down a bit... i wanna be alone... to analyse whether whatever is happening right/wrong, good/bad...

i have a lot of targets to be hit this year... and it's high time that i start working towards achieving my goals. i don't want to let down myself this time... At times it feels, life is just going on... i want to get the ropes of my life in my hand, i want to shape my life the way i want it... instead of letting life shape me.

Is this Love?

Well, i have been contemplating since long whether i should be blogging over this topic or not... and yes, i have finally decided that i will.. i dedicate this post to my cuz Gaurav :) Love u sweetheart... hope u enjoy reading and that it down the years, you too share the viewpoint as i do !

First love! The thought itself sends shivers down my spine. First love is synonymous in most of our lives as something which symbolised immaculate, innocent, immature feelings towards someone! I still remember having a crush on this hunky guy from my 12th class... :-) and me and my best friend yapping away to glory about out crushes. We used decide whether to attend a lecture or not depending on the presence of these guys. I remember the moment when he used to walk into the class in the mornings... and me blushing... ; I remember knowing about him having a cell phone (those days college students didn't have one.. And if they did.. they were considered to be rich dad's spoilt brats!) and a brand new RED car! And what a better reason to break the ice than to ask him about his guitar classes and how could I enroll into one. So that's how we started talking but this was practically at the end of the Ruparel days. But well, great times followed... and Yeah.. I was in love ! It is so uncanny that I still vividly remember each and every moment I spent with him... every date we went, every card I gave, every love letter that i wrote, every walk on the beach with him, every gift that gave,... ! But as all good things come to an end.. so did this one... and it was painful... very! But what i took away from my first relationship is that "love" is not the only thing that can make a relationship work.

Well.. years after this.., there were a few proposals but I didn't wanna step outta my religion to embrace that love.. so things never really bloomed. I still dunno how can so-called "love" be so blind that you can change your existence just to be with a man! Having said that.. I have great respect for those who inter-religion relationships but that's surely not my cup of tea... why it isn't?? hmm.. we'll leave that for some other time.

But yeah.. over these 5 years my understanding of love has undergone complete metamorphosis. I still do believe in love but it is more of companionship... sharing life with someone who will be there with you and understand you .. no matter what. I don't think I'll be able to do all the mushy things that i did before... because i kinda feel a void within myself. (Hopefully someone fills that up soon!) Basically.. I think.. i have given a lot in love... but never really got that reciprocated... so now, it's time to feel that unconditional love from someone. I don't understand men who say they love you but then can't live upto their words. Love is a commitment for a lifetime... and there should surely not be any "confusion", "don't know", "parents won't agree", etc. kinda of issues between the two people involved.

All I wanna tell you Gauri.. is that .. love is far deeper than what you are feeling now.. as you go ahead in life... your understanding of love with change with every passing phase... sometimes it will be good, sometimes horrendous.. but whatever it is... never play with anyone's emotions. Be true to yourself and her! :-)

Finally...

Just 4 more days to go... go away 2008.. it's been a year of a lot downs n downs...
i am eagerly waiting to start afresh... to breathe.. to live...

Mumbai, the city of my dreams - well, not really !!!

I am not really willing to write tonight. I am speechless, hurt, angry, frustrated, worried, cynical, tired... there are a plethora of emotions that are budding within me with the way things have unfolded since WEDNESDAY, 26-11-2008! This day is now gonna go down in history as a red-letter day, a day when my city of dreams-Mumbai witnessed the worst terror attacks. 60 hours of pain, agony and standstill.

I remember going to the Gateway of India when i was merely 3 or 4 years old. Perched on my dad's arm, I faintly remember touring around the magnificent structure and the resplendent Taj. A few months back, I visited the Leopold Cafe. I was taken aback with the number of foreigners dining at this outlet. And having been at these two places, i just cannot express how troubled i feel when i see them ravaged. I've have had fond memories of these two places, but from here on, these fond memories will be tarred with terror.

14 attacks in the past 4 years! Do these figures really indicate "India shining"??? How much more are we supposed to endure? With bombs planted in buses, trains, offices, malls, hijacking of planes, and now open firing at the common, innocent man on the road... What else do these terrorists need to do to prove a point? Haven't we taken enough? We talk about the brain-drain from India, right? Well, with all such things unfolding I am pretty convinced that the youth of today wouldn't really like to stay in such an unstable nation.

And yes, those famous quotes - "Spirit of mumbai", "resilience of the people of mumbai". On the day after the train blasts that took place in Mumbai in 2006, people went to work as if nothing had happened. On the day after Mumbai was flooded on 26th of July 2005, people jumped back to their routine as if nothing had happened. Well, we must applaud each other for showing such "never-say-die" spirit. But forgive me,if we still continue with our routine after what has happened on the 26th november,2008 then we are surely losing what is called 'humanity'! With so many political heads rolling, India is hopefully awaiting to see light at the other end of this dark tunnel. Isn't it dumbfounding that since 2001, US hasn't faced even a single attack? This is the kind of security and power that India ought to have now.

A passing thought- I really wonder what the parents of school-going kids must have gone through during those 60 hours! It must have been so so difficult to not let kids get a glimpse of those atrocious images being flashed live on the television sets. Even after 6 days today, it really cuts me when i see those images and videos on the screen and in newspapers. I can't pen down how disturbed i have been... and i am sure, like me, many many Mumbaikars are having tough time tackling the aftermath of the trauma.

Before i end this post, i pray from the depth of heart to God to give rest to the souls of those who have died in these attacks and to give IMMENSE courage and faith to their families and us 'mumbaikars' to move on.

These few lines gave me the strength that i was looking for...

Hope abides; therefore I abide.
Countless frustrations have not cowed me.
I am still alive, vibrant with life.
The black cloud will disappear,
The morning sun will appear once again
In all its supernal glory.

Mi "Marathi"

What can i say about this day! On one end, we hear news about the successful lauch of India's First lunar mission- Chandrayaan and take pride that India has also joined the league of America, Russia, the European Space Agency, Japan and China.

And on the other end, we hear that mumbai- one of India's most strategically important city is burning !

It feels sad that mankind has stooped so low that for selfish reasons the peace and harmony of a nation is impaired. I just read Mr. Amitabh Bachchan's blog and these 4 lines were quoted in his latest post that aptly bring out the irony of life:

“A seed while growing makes no sound.

A tree while falling makes huge noise.

Destruction shouts and the creation is always quiet.

This is the power of silence.”

Well, coming back to the issue at hand... it was high time that made a blog entry on the so-called issue of 'justice to marathi manoos'.

I am a maharashtrian, born and brought up in this city of dreams- Mumbai, and so are my parents as also my ancestors but i completely abhor what 'some people' are doing in the name of caste. I was talking to a friend of mine this morning and he jokingly mentioned that whatever is happening is for the good of my community... so i should be happy! Not that i took his words seriously, but just that most of us tend to have a generalised opinion about a 'basket of mangoes' even though only a few 'mangoes' in that basket are rotten. Reiterating my point- the way every muslim is not a terrorist, every maharashtrian isn't a part of the corroborative network of these peace-invaders.

The problem with our country is that the politicians are so involved in crusading for personal grudges, they barely notice what the commonman ever wants! Everyone knows that Bihar is one of the most corrupted states in our country; it, therefore, wouldn't be surprising to know that the railway examination papers are leaked to the students of Bihar. It was reported that out of 54000 students who took this exam- only 2-digit figure 'maharashtrian' students cleared whereas a thousand-digit figure of bihar students cleared this exam. Similar cases were registered for other states of India; however, these cases weren't blow out of proportion (or should i say- brought to the notice of commonman) the way the case about 'mararashtrian' students was! My point here is, the problem is about corruption (leaking of exam papers) and not that 'a certain community is never given a fair chance'. Why can't these politicians concentrate particularly on this point? Why does this peace-invader 'leader' (rather- misleader) need to keep the gun on the shoulders of 'maharashtrian' man and shoot at his target? Just because he wishes to drain out the votes of a rival party (which happens to be formed and run by his own family), do WE need to suffer???

And the best joke is - the father preaches that everyone in mumbai must practice 'marathi' as their language of communication; the signboards, hoardings, billboards, etc. be written in bold-face marathi and the son of this great leader(misleader) opts for German over Marathi as an optional subject in college! People are such hypocrites!

'He' is fighting for the rights for the maharashtrian men claiming that the boot-polishwalas, the taxiwalas, the rickshawalas who mostly hail from the north-indian states have all usurped the jobs of maharashtrians... what does this fellow want?? A maharashtrian to work as boot-polishwala? taxiwala? rickshawala?? He has basically even forgotten the nitty-gritties of his protest...!

And above all this lies the point that who has given these peace-invaders the right to kill, burn and torment innocent people? We- the commonman- struggle,toil and travail day-in and day-out to set up shops,to set up our businesses, to buy a car ... just so that all these objects of our hardwork are reduced to pieces by inhumane activities of some nonsensical followers? What is the use of violence?? Why do we all forget that above all, we are one nation-we are INDIANS. The essence of Indian lies in the Diversity with Integrity and why is one Indian trying to kill another Indian in the name of caste, religion or creed? If all states in our country start fighting similarly, India will not remain India- every state would want to proclaim itself as an independent nation... it wouldn't take too long then for some more "kashmir"s to be born where a beautiful heaven would get converted into an atrocious valley of death!

Our country definitely needs better, responsible, level-headed leaders who can show the path of harmony and equality than squabble over impertinent, impudent issues.

It isn't about - "mi marathi" ... it's about - 'Us Indians'!